There comes a time in each of our lives when we come face to face with our own mortality. Be it through the development of illness or injury in ourselves or in the ones we care about, or the loss of someone we love – we all arrive at a point where we realise we’re mortal and accept life does not last forever.

Bronnie Ware is someone who was blessed to share some of life’s most intimate and intense moments whilst working in palliative care. The people she cared for were living the last of their days and had essentially gone home to die and, as such, she gained a unique insight into what people experience when facing the final chapter of their life.

As a result of her experience Bronnie wrote The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. It is a memoir of her own life and how it was transformed through the regrets of the dying people she cared for.

“People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.”

When Bronnie questioned her patients about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the Life Lessons that came from those conversations.

Have the Courage to be True to Yourself

Bronnie found the most common regret of all was living a life that others expected of them rather than being true to themselves. Most people had dreams that either went unfulfilled, or were even completely denied! Imagine being on your deathbed knowing your hopes and dreams had gone unhonoured…? Because of choices you did or didn’t make?

It is very important to try and pursue at least some of your dreams along the way. These are what feed your soul! From the moment that you lose your health, it is likely going to be too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

Don’t Work so Hard

Interestingly, ‘I wish I didn’t work so hard’ came from every male patient that she nursed. They deeply regretted getting caught up in the rat race of earning an existence and, in the process, missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners.

A common mistake people make is matching their expenses with their income. Take a look at your lifestyle and see where you may be able to simplify it. Consciously choosing what you truly need, it is more than likely you will not need the income that you think you do. More importantly, you can start making that money work for you. Do you want to get off the hamster wheel..? It is never too late to make a better financial choice for yourself. There are many great resources available to us, but a great place to start (and my favourite) is Scott Pape of The Barefoot Investor.

Creating more space and freedom in your life opens the door to new opportunities and avenues for happiness, and ones more congruent with a fulfilling, gratifying lifestyle.

Have the Courage to Express your Feelings

So many people suppress their feelings in order to keep the peace with others. Sometimes this is a necessary courtesy however – a habit of ignoring what your intuition is saying, and repressing communication that is important to you, results in a mediocre existence and can stifle your personal growth and development. Many of Bronnie’s patients regretted not having the courage to communicate how they felt and as a result developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried.

It can feel scary to speak your truth – we can’t control the reactions of others. The thing we do have control over is how we communicate. Share honestly, kindly and compassionately what is going for you. Of course people may initially react when you open up, but consider that ‘clearing the air’ ultimately elevates the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

Stay in Touch with the People You Love

Another common regret of the dying is wishing they’d stayed in touch with their friends.

It is so easy to let life get in the way of staying in regular communication with those who matter most. Social networks can lull us into a false sense of connectedness which can result in neglecting more authentic interaction.

Don’t let it dawn on you in your dying weeks how much you miss those who mean the world to you. Don’t fall into that trap of being caught up in your life only to realise their true value and importance. Don’t leave it too late to track them down. One day you will be too ill and too weary, or it will simply be too late. As Bronnie said, “…everyone misses their friends when they are dying…”.

It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

Give Yourself Permission to Be Happy

This might sound surprising but ‘I wish that I had let myself be happier’ was a common regret. Wrap your head around that happiness is a choice well before you are facing the end. Break free from old patterns and habits. Fear of change might have you pretending to others, and to yourself, that you are content. When deep within, you long to laugh properly and have silliness in your life again. Look for the little things that make you laugh, the smallest things that make you smile. If you’re having trouble with this try keeping a Gratitude Journal for a while – you’ll soon find an infinite number of things to be happy for. You can do this the old-fashioned in a notebook, or try an online electronic app like this. I personally have started using this as my journal and love it.

How wonderful would it be to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying?

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life.

Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.

Choose happiness.